If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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