Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
