I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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