Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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