Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
