just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
