fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
