Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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