Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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