Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
