I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
