we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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