The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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