This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
