Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
