I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
