i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
