handjob tips. give me some.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
