I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
