pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
