I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
