you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
