kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
