It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
