My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
