Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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