Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
