What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize