Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
