Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
