dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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