oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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