the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
