thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
