Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
