didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My life is pants optional.
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