Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
