I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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