it was like his penis was on wheels.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
