it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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