you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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