idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The Olympian is in my bed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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