she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
