I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
