I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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