I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
