Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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