Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
