in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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