Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
