Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize