clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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