Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
