Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
