Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
