I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
