If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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