I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
