I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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