the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
