No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
