Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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