YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
