I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
