That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
