Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize