I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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