You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
