she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
