if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
