im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
