I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
